Love ain't here anymore ...

Love ain't here anymore ... that was a part of song sung by Take That years ago, perhaps when I was in the junior high school. I remember the time when I was at that age, I told my friend who was also my neighbour Doni in Rumbai (recently I found out that he is now in Bandung .. what a small world!) I won't seek a soulmate in my whole life. And eventually ... the history repeats.

I must admit that I had a girlfriend I knew from the internet through penpal sites I found, I placed an ad together with my brief description and some wrote me a mail. This girl I'm talking about wrote me a mail back in 1999 when I was alone at home; June 1999 exactly. I was alone at home that time .. my sister went to Rumbai taking her vacation, my brother was still in high school, my parents haven't retired yet. When I checked my email account, I noticed some new mails in the inbox; some belonged to my sister about 1-2 mail(s) were for me -I shared the same account with different alias-. I opened those mails and read it briefly.

I won't tell who this girl's identity for personal reason. But this girl is an Indonesian, lives near Jakarta and has the same age with me .. well she's few months older actually. At first there was no feeling to her, it was more likely between friends only. She told me stories she had, her thoughts she shared, etc. We ever lost contact for a year or so ... later came again in 2001 where I mailed her asking how she is, has she finished her study, etc. Surprisingly, she still remember me and asked the same thing. Not only that, she even gave her cell phone number and I did the same. Since then our contact was not only literally but orally as well. And the love feeling began to blossom .....

in 2002, February or March or -oh boy, I forgot it :((- I expressed my feeling to her. She was shocked .. because she didn't expect me to say that. After few days she told me the same thing she had in her mind ... YIIPPEEEE !! For the past years that time was the first time someone accepted my love. Oh boy, it was the most happiest moment in my whole life ... but I didn't consider the next thing I would get since then .........

We had a rough sailing relation. Broke and made it up again few times, at first she complained the distance between us. But later it spread onto another things. She graduated from one of a famous university located in Rasuna Said Jakarta in 2003, if you know what it is then keep it in your mind. Later worked in a Korean merchandising company, quit in 2004 and now she's working in a Malaysian IT company located in Sudirman Jakarta (don't know if her office has moved). Again, because the power of love we were still in a relationship. This time we had planned a future of marriage. AGAIN ... we broke for the n-th times, it was because of my fault actually -I didn't ask for a broke but my behavior led me onto it- I abused her verbally (I didn't mean to hurt her but sometimes I can't take her stubborness) because of one thing ... she didn't want to tell me 'someone' she met through matrimonial site over the internet when we broke up earlier -WHAT THE F**K ?!- I waited for a time to cool things down with a hope of things would be back normally again BUT she seeked another one who has a serious intention of marriage ?? was it called LOVE ??? ... TRUE LOVE ??? she wanted to broke since then and never wanted me to come back ever again. It's all over, love I brought for her for 3 years finally ended in pain .. real pain -at least to me-. Last thing I heard of her, she also found someone -and even had a date with him- few weeks ago with the same intention of marriage. This time I've passed through a point of no return. Her family especially her mother suggested her to stay away from me forever. No more SMS ".. love you darling" beginning at 2130 at least, no more hug and kiss good night virtually, no more visit to her town, nothing from now on, nothing .....

So long my dear, I don't want to know you and your family together with your businesses anymore ... all of our past we've made has been deceased.

The epilogue as a conclusion, don't do what I did to my x. Like one of reality show in RCTI .. love will find you if you try, if you have already catched it don't let loose.

Now it's time to move forward, casting away that feeling I've made. I've had enough of love from now on. I'm back to my idealism I made during high school ... won't find any soulmate instead of it, helping unfortunate people -there's a raise in number of them recently in Indonesia- with means of science and technology -who knows someday I could establish a technology based company which provides more employement to this beloved nation-.

Doni, like I told you when we walked for home after school "whenever I meet you again someday, I'll be single like I am now" ... I've accomplished that.